“There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship.”
― Thomas Aquinas
If you haven’t already noticed, friendship is very important to me. I wrote about the different types of friendship a while back and this is kind of a continuation of that. So, because I’ve already written on this topic, I will make this one shorter.
(read “Friendship” from 2015 if you want more)
Before spring break, I was talking to a girl at school. I said “Hi,” but she didn't say anything back, and that was common for her. She just will not reply to me or say anything at all. So, I asked her why that was and she said that she and I are not friends so why should she? I understood the not-being-friends thing – I only consider myself close to a few people. But then I told her that I was her friend, and she said: “Duncan friendship is a two-way street.” That was the first time I heard something about that week, but then I kept hearing it. I heard three more people say something with the same meaning if not the same thing that week.
I spent a good amount of time over spring break thinking about this. Friendship is a two-way street. They are right, you can’t have a relationship with someone if they do not want one back, but that doesn't mean you can’t be a friend to someone.
A friend to me is someone you love or will their good, and would go out of your way for. I would go out of my way for anyone if I could. I obviously do it more for my best friend/close friends, but I still would do it for anyone. And I definitely will the good for everyone. You can be a friend to someone without being in a friendship with them.
I have heard people use this notion that friendship is a two-way street for each other and they both just wanted the other to act. I can’t help but think how many of my friendships have died because we were both waiting for the other to do something. I know there is a limit, you can’t keep trying and not get anything back, but for a friendship, if you cared at all, what is the limit? When do you finally stop acting like a friend back to them? Are you going to try twice? Maybe five times and after that, it's up to them? What is the limit?
“An authentic Christian knows instinctively how to enter into a relationship without conditions, expectations or intentions – they live with the simple desire to be with.”
– Fr. John Nepal
Friendship is a two-way street, yes, but sometimes in order to find the street, you have to pick each other up on the way. Sometimes you have to just be a friend for a while. Maybe they will realize, maybe not, but someone has to try. You both can’t wait for the other forever. Maybe you don't care. Maybe you think it’s too hard to be their friend. If that is the case do not say it is a two-way street. If you say it is a two-way street you have to be driving, or it is just an empty road. If you care, then do something about it. Call them, text them, write them a little. It doesn't matter just do something. Just be a friend to them, and as hard as it is accepted, you may not get anything back.
I have always prayed about being a good friend, and I thought I had it down. Then, I realized that I was using what I thought was being a good friend to make others feel
bad for not doing what I do in the friendship. I was measuring myself based on how others acted. I was not being a friend for the other’s sake.
My points are: One, you can be a friend to someone without being in a friendship with them by just loving them like we are called to do. Two, if you are going to say it's a two-way street, then don't stop driving. Sometimes two-way streets only have one car on them for a while. Three be a friend to someone for the sake of being their friend not the friendship. The friendship might come later on, but it might not.
Anyways…. These are just my thoughts. Go with God.
